1. |
Black Friday
03:00
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Wake up thanksgiving, boy am I’m thankful
For about 5 minutes then I rush to get a paper
Check the doorbusters listed in the ads
Gotta see what kinda stuff this year I Gotta have
Cuz about 6 the stores they be open
First in line is what I’m hoping
This Thanksgiving, I be having lots a needs
Like a big ole huge 40” flat screen
But I’ll have to beat the rush to get me one of these
So I hurry up and wolf down my thanksgiving feast
All my homies be at my house for the big game
When I snatch me a forty-inch on this Black Friday!
Chorus
Black Friday, Black Friday
We going door bustin on Black Friday
Black Friday, Black Friday
You know we door bustin on Black Friday
Spent a few minutes with my family,
Then jumped in the car, me Cassius and Double Deez
Door busting, on a mission for a new flatscreen
Only thing better than one is three
Hit up Target for our first stop
Line at the door stretch halfway around the block
I knew it was for the 40 inch so we bolted
Kohls will be better - we wuz hoping
Busted through the door “sorry we’re sold out of TV’s”
So we grabbed some chia pets and 12-foot trampoline
Used Kohls Cash then rolled to Wall-Mart
Jumped out the car and grabbed us a cart
Snuck in the back, sped for the TV isle
On the way there started to compile
Emoji pillows, doorbuster underwear
Discount DVDs and holiday cookware
Cart overflowing as I peep the TV section
only 6:30, but not much selection
Then I see a big stack of elements - TV goldmine!
My 40” flat screen for 299!
Chorus
Two hours later, left Walmart without much a scene
If ya don’t count the lady that tried to punch me
didn’t care that I got the TV,
Got mad cuz I grabbed the last holiday pack of ladies shaving cream
Had to get a little something for Lady K
Cuz the TV’s about football on thanksgiving day
Got home, hooked it up, watched the big game
Then hit the sack, cuz tomorrow it officially… Black Friday!
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2. |
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Thanksgiving, thankful for living
Another year to see our family's greatest tradition
Turkey on the table, dressing on the side
Cheese grits, cranberries but you know what I’m eye’n
Pillsbury rolls filling up two bowls.
butter slabs be lining up like dominos
get out my butter knife, let's go
321 time to butter dem rolls!
Chorus
Cassius Clay...
Christmastime, same rolls coming out of the oven
That’s the smell that I be loving
Errbody want me to break em off something
I don’t care if it’s Christmas you ain’t getting nothing
And if you try, you get a punching
This was the only Christmas present I was wanting
Go buy own rolls down at the store
350 degrees for 20 minutes then butter dem rolls
Holiday season got me eating these rolls like Pacman
Yes i can, cuz I’m a fan, of all these rolls rolled up in this cardboard cylinder can
No matter the brand, put ‘em in a square or circle pan
So long as you cooking at least five dozen got to feed this whole Duerson clan
And you know I am, get ‘em out when they golden tan, like Jane to Tarzan,
Or perhaps more accurately like kryptonite is to Superman
But I stick to my gameplan, butter em up and eat em like a madman
Going postal like the postman, man I love that Pillsbury dough man
All gone? Pre-heat the oven and pop open another can and...
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3. |
Grinchin
03:48
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October I get up like a reindeer
Christmas music whole fourth quarter of the year
It’s the fall but it cam ea midnight clear
So straight to my closet get out my Christmas gear
Christmas Sweater comes with a battery pack
First cold day at the office I be catchin flack
From Agnus Agifer Jermaine and Jack
Cuz with my Christmas sweater I rock my Christmas hat
Halloween? Naw… I skip it
No death, straight to the light of Christmas
Scowl all ya want, but time ya listen
Christmas is coming, why you be grinchin?
Chorus
They be Grinching (whoo whoo) They be Grinchin
I like to protest at the local manger scene
tell all kids Saint Nicholas make-believe
stay home for the holidays to remain unseen
By my friends, neighbors, and my family
You say merry Christmas I’ll say happy holiday
Bah Humbug at the Chrismas parade!
If it’s got to do with Jesus I be throwing shade
I’ll even punch Santa if that’s what it takes
One time I did, knocked the jolly right out of the elf
And speaking of elf, what’s up with the one on the shelf?
Too many families engaging in fantasy
It's Dangerous for kids and parents to play make-believe!
Says a study I read on the internet somewhere
Its abuse to kids! And for those without presents its unfair
But you don’t care it’s obvious
All your Christmas lights, music, and parties it's obnoxious!
Chorus
Snowflakes get offended at the mention of the season
Saying “Merry Christmas” like the same as treason
They be Grinchin no listening to reason
They trying to steal Christmas-they thieving!
But da Grinch found he couldn’t steal Christmas
Unlike the religious, found that Christmas is within us
It’s about a gift that only God can give us
That we celebrate with fests of roast beast -delicious
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4. |
Joy (feat. DJ Wize)
03:53
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You could take my Tyco Track and my race cars
You could take my Garbage Pail Kids trading cards
Take my walkman ….. take a listen
You could Take my Nintendo Entertainment System
You can take my buddy that Santa Claus brought
Take my Rockem socket robots
You can take my Stompers, and my Speak'n Spell
footloose VHS tape and my big wheel
You can take my snoopy snow cone machine!
Take Optimas Prime - it won’t hurt me
Take my soundtrack to movie Break’n
Take my MJ Zipper jacket — the fake one!
Snatch that Koosh ball from underneath the tree
Take the moon shoes from right off my feet
Gi Joe, wrestling action toys
You take all presents but you can’t steal my joy
CHORUS
Yeah you could holla at your boys try and come and take my toys
and you might succeed but you never gonna steal my joy (aye)
steal my joy (aye) steal my joy (aye) steal my joy
Christmas morn toys be stacking up, I’m racking up
More at grandma’s house then we packin’ up, back with us
1 month later, not enough, they attic’n up,
No matter my age, no toys can fill my cup
Cabbage Patch Doll don’t give me love!
Light Year, don’t give me buzz, Atari ain’t what it once was
Cap Gun - won’t spark, Light Brite went dark
Whoopie Cushion got a hole in it now it can’t fart
So if you wanna get it, better get it while the gettin is good
No please, I’m serious I wish you would, I wish you could
Take Mr. Potato Head, electronic Simon Says
Take my 1964 Tops Tony Perez
You could take my Captain Grey Skull. He-man and She-Ra
Take em all cuz Christmas brings Jesus, who frees us
From needing and wanting and wanting and needing
The latest Christmas toy cuz our eyes see it
Take my self-control so that I wet the bed
You could take my right arm and my left leg
All that’s left of me is a sternum and head
It wouldn’t matter cuz it’s like the song says…
I got joy down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart
JOY down in my heart deep, deep down in my heart (but you don't hear me though)
Chorus
I’m setting my mind on the things above
I’m setting my heart on the This above
I’m setting my eyes on the one who is love
Joy to the World, the Lord has Come
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5. |
Christmas PJs
02:46
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Christmas PJs
I don’t know what you’re doing tonight’
But baby it’s cold outside
First of December, I think it’s time I say
Please…. Put on those Christmas PJ’s
You know the ones I’m talking about!
(The ones that make Kris Kringle Tingle)
You know the ones I’m talking about
(The baggy flannel ones with the moose on it)
BREAK
I don’t know what you doing tonight
But baby it’s snowing outside
Forget the one-horse open sleigh
Please, Put on those Christmas PJ’s
You know the ones that I’m talking about!
(No, I was actually thinking of those other ones..)
I think you know the ones I’m talking about
(Kitty cats with Santa hats… footies )
Chorus
I don’t know what you are wearing tonight
But baby its freezing outside
December 24, you know what I’m gonna say
Please, put on those Christmas PJ/s
A cozy Christmas Eve home together
(And you could fix me something to eat)
We could snuggle by the fire together
(I could fall asleep as you massage my feet in your...)
Chorus
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6. |
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7. |
Cardboard Christmas
03:03
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I got you a little something to celebrate the messiahs Birth
And at the same time say I love you this many dollars worth.
Gift wrapped with “Prime” tape, around that cardboard
Even hired me a mailman for a special delivery to your front door
Other guys be talking bout going to the mall to get their shopping on
But why do that, when I sit here and get the same thing on Amazon?
Don’t have to fill up at exon, (true) don’t have to put my clothes on (true)
I can express my love for you here on my phone with my Christmas PJ’s on
That’s right girl. I got the smarts
Do all my Christmas shopping and never once pushing a shopping cart
Send a holiday greeting without the need for a greeting card
Can include a note with purchase so no need for Hallmark
Christmas wit me, my love collides with practicality
Just take that box at the door and put it under underneath the tree
A gift from me, frugality, we both will be happy I guarantee
Merry cardboard Christmas from the J to the O to the K to the E
Verse 2
Granny, I know you been waiting for a Christmas present from me
But I didn’t want to get started shopping too early
I still got 2 days, you see times have changed
Jeff Bezos done flipped the script on the Christmas shopping game
Who’s Bezos? He’s like the modern-day Saint Nicholas
he sends elf drivers out in Prime trucks with gifts for us
Just because help me, don’t mean I fail to see your worth
I’m just more efficient at celebrating the Saviors birth
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8. |
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9. |
Fruitcake
02:55
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Verse 1
Ding dong - sound at the door
What is this heavy Christmas package sitting on the floor?
Smells kind of funny, (sniff sniff) reflex choke (cough cough)
It’s a special Christmas present from Inside Joke!
Verse 2
Since I was a kid I be loving fruitcake
Can hardly wait for December so I can eat if every day
Breakfast, dinner, a big piece at lunch
So savory when I hear those pecans crunch
Munch munch munch on this green and red fruity cake
So dense and yummy the thought of it makes me salivate
Talk of raisins and candied cherries got me mesmerized
With each bite it's like a special Christmas surprise!
Verse 3
Been proven to keep for over 20 years
But around here it won’t make it to New Years!
Yeah, when it hits yo stomach, it's like a Christmas party
An extra special Christmas present to my body
And the gift of choice for all these friends of mine
A classic present, been around since Roman times! (Fact)
Christmas Eve, leave a piece out for Santy Clause
But don’t you worry, we got plenty left fo all a y'all!
Chorus
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10. |
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Verse 1
I go up into my attic and I get em down.
Put some Christmas music on for that seasonal sound
Sip on some egg nog while I get’em unwound
Cuz you know Inside Joke gonna light up the town! Yeah!
I’m putting lights on my house, I put the Griswalds to shame
First on my street to get in the game
It’s a shame, that I can’t get more!
But I done lit my house and the neighbors next door
I got big ones small ones, flashing lights’
I be keeping my neighbors up all through night
I got em on the doors at the windows and the roof
I even got em in my yard in case you needed proof
That I love Christmas! Cuz He’s the light of the world!
Got lights of all sorts for al the boys and the girls
Both young and old, cuz they gosta know
That Messiah still bringing light wherever He go!
Chorus
I got lights on my house, but not for Hanukkah
I ain’t gotten on my house for Kwanza
In fact, I ain’t got em up for no holiday
And I sure don’t got'em up for no Santa in his sleigh
These lights be like the lights the led the way
For shepherds to find the Savior in the Hay
So I keep the wattage blasting through the silent night
There ain’t no amount of darkness that can stop The Light!
Chorus
I got surge protectors blowing up
But that don't’ stop me from keeping my lights up
Four generators, to keep the current flowing
All year long even when it ain’t snowing
That’s right I keep my lights on my house all year round
Don’t see no need in taking em down
Cuz the hassle 2. Cuz it’s profound
That Christ still The Light when Santa ain’t in town!
Chorus
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11. |
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Christmas day wit my family presents under the tree
And this can only mean one thing… unfortunately
Kids be getting presents that we don’t need
So I quietly go about collecting all the gift receipts
I be like “Sorry we already have it”
And “I’m not sure it’s gonna fit”
Yeah… I got several lines that I can use
Lady k just let me handle it
Kids, when you get gifts don’t be falling in love wit em
An most certainly don’t be opening em
Just because it’s a gift from them to you
It don’t negate daddy’s rule you know what we do…
Chorus
We gonna keep the receipt and take it back
Keep the receipt and take it back
Keep the receipt and take it back
We gonna keep the receipt and take it back for the cash!
Turnabout be fair play, it can work both ways
Take for example last holiday
Costco ran a sale on workout clothes
A perfect present for my mother in law, and who knows?
It might even encourage her to exercise!
A Christmas present that could actually help keep her alive?
So I had it shipped to her front door
Cardboard Christmas arriving on her porch
Then December 25 yo I get call
Thought she’d be happy... but she wasn’t at all!
"Excuse me I won't be needing them
And I’m not an XL I’m a medium (We just…)
Chorus
It's Chrismas...It's Christmas... It's Christmas
Don't' give me no trinkets! ...
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12. |
Yule Log
03:25
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Last fall a tree came down
Now a big ol tree in my backyard on the ground
Called Cassius up, we both got jacked
Stretched real good then we grabbed my ax
Flannel shirts on we's straight logging
Getting funny looks like we'z Paul Bunyan
Choppin that wood through winter fog
Then out of now where I get the hook for this song!
Chorus.
I log. We log. Yule log.
I log. We log. Yule log.
I log. We log. Yule log.
I log. We log. Yule log!
All-day long We was chopping and cutting
Our stack of wood grew from nothing to something!
While singing my hook a log caught my eye for some reason
I said right here is the Yule Log for Christmas season!
So, Christmas Eve, I pull my family together
Snowing outside we got Christmas weather
A perfect night for this holiday tradition
Get out the Bible, so that we can all listen
We read the nativity story from the Gospels
A Savior is born says Luke the Apostle
Yule log on the fire my stoking skills are colossal
Celebrate the Yule log while we all drink wassail!
Chorus
Before we go to bed and our stomachs are stuffed
Not feeling too good ate way too much
Rolls all gone, No leftovers for tomorrow’s lunch
A little warning if you come for Christmas Eve with us…
I log. We log. You'll log.
I log. We log. You'll log.
I log. We log. You'll log.
I log. We log. You'll log!
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13. |
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1 ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house,
2 Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
3 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
4 In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
5 The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
6 While visions of sugar plums danc’d in their heads,
7 And Mama in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
8 Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap-
9 When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
10 I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
11 Away to the window I flew like a flash,
12 Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.
13 The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
14 Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
15 When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
16 But a minature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer,
17 With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
18 I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
19 More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
20 And he whistled, and shouted, and call’d them by name:
21 “Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen,
22 “On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Dunder and Blixem;
23 “To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
24 “Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
25 As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
26 When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
27 So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
28 With the sleigh full of Toys - and St. Nicholas too:
29 And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
30 The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
31 As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
32 Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:
33 He was dress’d all in fur, from his head to his foot,
34 And his clothes were all tarnish’d with ashes and soot;
35 A bundle of toys was flung on his back,
36 And he look’d like a peddler just opening his pack:
37 His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry,
38 His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
39 His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
40 And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
41 The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
42 And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
43 He had a broad face, and a little round belly
44 That shook when he laugh’d, like a bowl full of jelly:
45 He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
46 And I laugh’d when I saw him in spite of myself;
47 A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
48 Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
49 He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
50 And fill’d all the stockings; then turn’d with a jerk,
51 And laying his finger aside of his nose
52 And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
53 He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
54 And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
55 But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-
56 Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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14. |
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It's Dec 25th, you know where I be
At Mamaw's celebrating Christmas with my family
We got Tito, Jason, Andrea, and Joey
Kristy, Double Deez, Cassius Clay, and Little G
Lady K, Jermaine, Kathy, and B.B.
Emma, Kendy, Greenly, and Kateastrophe
Anticipating what's under the Christmas Tree
But before we open presents, it's time to eat
Mamaw be making sure everybody stuffed
Having no concept of when enough is enough
"Heres another biscuit" I done had five!
"you'll need some more grave" Mamaw I don't wanna die!
Mamaw just can't take no for an answer
Done ate enough to stuff Prancer and Dancer
Start to get up "That's all you're gonna eat?"
My gut looking swoll from the eggs and meat
But I eat some more, what can I say?
Even though its the first of three meals this day
Eating all dis fried food that Mamaw made
Da kids begging to get up so that they can play
Mamaw fills my plate, Christmas tunes in the background
Mistletoe and holly be hanging all around
Smoke from the kitchen reminds me of a club
Mamaw giving out lots of Christmas Love
Chorus:
Giving lots of love the Christmas. Just you wait and see
I've got lots of surprises underneath the tree
After breakfast, you know what time it is
This be when the show really begins
Underneath the tree there be all kinds of surprises
Got me on edge wondering what mine is
Reminiscing of her past gifts
Like the pecan log roll and potato chip clips
Or perhaps another chirping bird clock
And a Spaghetti Strainer from the Mini Malls overstock
One time she gave me up a plastic egg tray
And got matching bath towels for me, Deez and Cassius Clay
When I was ten, Mamaw wrapped me up a pound a bacon
There's no telling how many blankets she be making
An each December when it starts to get cold
Got me thinking bout the year she got me a rooster snow globe
Not to mention the gift in the egg nog
With gifts like these, who needs a yule log?
Chorus:
So now the time has come to see what Mamaw gave
Trying to focus on the real meaning of this day
Opened up the present, I'm stunned and amazed
With a gift like this, what was I to say?
In high school, Mamaw got me some Santa briefs
But I could wear those when all my others weren't clean
But this... ain't no way I'm putting these on
Mamaw got me a male candy cane Christmas thong!
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Inside Joke Lexington, Kentucky
What started out as an "inside joke" has turned into a world-wide movement... sort of. From Lexington, KY, Inside Joke takes rap music back to the days when it was fun, made you dance, and actually rhymed! At the same time, Inside Joke brings a new school vibe, spirituality at times, and a little country grammar to boot! ... more
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